How The Grinch Stole Mixed Doubles Broadcasts
Every Dutch down in Leeuwarden liked sex toys a lot
But the curling broadcast affiliates in the USA and Japan did NOT
The channels hated the toys! The whole sex toy suggestion
Now please don't ask why. No one can answer the question
It could be "EasyToys" was an objectionable name
It could be, perhaps, distracting to the game
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that their own toys were two sizes too small
Whatever the reason, the money or lewdness
They canceled the broadcasts to hide the sheer rudeness
Staring down in the ice looking quite cross
At the delicate pink letters under the frost
For they knew in Leeuwarden the mixed doubles teams
Were busy now preparing for Olympic dreams
“And they’re practicing freezes!” they cried out in fear
“Tomorrow’s the broadcast! It’s practically here!”
They growled with producer fingers nervously drumming
“We MUST find some way to stop EasyToys from [REDACTED]”
And the more the channels thought of this sex toy shop ad
The more they thought “We must stop this! We’re mad!”
“Due to unforeseen sponsorship conflicts abound”
“We can’t broadcast the curling, not a single round”
So the Olympic pursuits of Persinger and Plys
Are on Recast and livescoring, thanks to the ice
That contains but a single harmless name
That could be easily Googled by an unsuspecting dame
And wonder, “these athletes slide remarkably well,
I wonder if they use this same lube or gel.”
Every team in Leeuwarden, the tall and the small
Are playing close together saying “good curling to all”
And if anything grows three sizes, let’s hope for their health
It’s their lead from a power play, and nothing else.